On Saturday night, Paramount Pictures held a Diwali party at the Pierre Hotel in Manhattan, bringing together stars, journalists and a handful of fashion executives to celebrate the festival of lights under the fog of a cough-inducing smoke machine . The evening, hosted by The namesake actor Kal Penn and Nepali-American designer Prabal Gurung, raised funds for the Asian American Writers’ Workshop, a non-profit organization that has supported the diasporic literary community since 1991.

When I arrived, a little after eight o’clock, hordes of guests were fanning out into the crowded lobby of the hotel’s chic Cotillion ballroom, eating cubes of salmon sashimi on ceramic spoons and carefully avoiding tripping over each other’s lehengas. On a princess spiral staircase, stars and event planners took prom-style photos; one introduced me to British singer and producer Jay Sean, dressed in a glittery pink and gold kurta.

As we waited for the ballroom to open, Sean plugged in his various creative endeavours, including a canned sparkling sake business and a television show inspired by the emergence of the 2000s music industry, which , as South Asian millennials will remember, he stormed off with “Down” in 2009.

When the ballroom finally opened, its mirrored walls and ornate chandeliers were obscured by purplish smoke. Someone turned on strobe lights, and I was heartened to see such a stylish space transformed into a sweet 16 in New Jersey. Soon everyone started tearing up the dance floor to “Jalebi Baby,” and an event coordinator remarked that the event “put Diwali on the map” despite the festival having more than 2 500 years Below I have ranked the elements of the evening on a scale of 1 to 10 gulab jamuns.

From left to right: Mark Consuelos, Kelly Ripa, Kal Penn and Ronan Farrow.
Photo: Hannah Turner Harts/BFA.com

It was a night of brown excellence, even though everyone was hidden by smoke. In addition to Penn, Sean and Gurung, Padma Lakshmi, reigning Miss Universe Harnaaz Sandhu, and And just like that… star Sarita Choudhury was present. Just like Netflix star Aparna Shewakramani Indian Matchmaking and a vocal critic of matchmaking as a concept.

Beyond what a press release described as ‘prominent South Asian public figures’ were a group of truly random white people, including Pete Buttigieg and Ronan Farrow, who were nearly bulldozed by a guest trying to take a selfie. “Sorry, I’m just taking a hot pic of myself,” she said. “Love it,” replied Farrow, who agreed to take “a hot pic together.” Two seconds later, four women joined in the steamy photo with Ronan Farrow.

Elsewhere, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos got mixed up. “Tell me your name again?” Ripa asked me wide-eyed as we shook hands, apparently mistaking me for another dark-haired person. Before I could correct her, Ripa spun around, admiring a nearby woman’s lehenga, “Oh, you look like the bride on top of the cake!” Later that night, Gabriela Hearst gave it her all on the dance floor when no one else was bold enough to cross it. For his efforts, 5 hams.

Padma Lakshmi and Sarita Choudhury on the dance floor.
Photo: Hannah Turner Harts/BFA.com

Sean informed me that he was in charge of the DJ set list for the evening, so I had high hopes. And as a figure of nostalgia himself, he didn’t disappoint, interweaving 90s and Bollywood classics such as “Jhoom Barabar Jhoom” with throwbacks such as “Murder She Wrote” and “Never Leave You” by Lumidee. Although I’m usually skeptical of mixes, I was particularly impressed by one of Cardi B’s “Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai” and “I Like It”. Ripa and Consuelos danced bhangra, and Prabal Gurung m ‘ informed, along with another journalist, that “we could dance too”. Eventually we did. 7 hams

In the ballroom, Ashfer Biju, Perrine’s executive chef, prepared an entire line of buffets. It was the highest level: there was a bhel puri station, a pav bhaji station, lots of gunpowder masala, assorted chicken and lamb curries, research skewers, dahl creamy, rice and naan. Later in the evening, waiters busied themselves with platters of mango lassis while another table was filled with gulab jamuns, barfis, tiny chocolate tarts and even smaller rasmalai-inspired cupcakes. The bar and a Johnnie Walker station remained open all night. 10 hams

VIPs were lavishly dressed in Falguni Shane Peacock, so there were plenty of feathered shoulders, cashmere illusion fabrics and jeweled headpieces. It was also a big night for statement kurtas: Gurung’s black kurta and juttis were fully adorned with rhinestones; Penn’s understated kurta shone with metallic accents. Consuelos wore a suit. 9 jams

Slowly seared by the smoke from the smoke machines and the music, it was impossible to hear – or find – anyone. At the end, I sat on a golden block in the corner of the photo booth, watching Farrow perform on “Desi Girl.” 3 hams

Suburban Sweet 16 or mundane Diwali?
Photo: Hannah Turner Harts/BFA.com